• $ 145.00
  • $ 220.00
  • Save 34%

(One 8oz/236ml bottle of each)

(Two 3oz/85g sticks)

(One 2oz/59ml bottle

(Three .15oz/4.25g Sticks)

(One 1oz/30ml bottle, One 2oz/59ml Tin, Two .15oz/4.25g sticks)

(Of awesomeness)

That's it! You've finally made it! This is the holy grail of grooming and gifts!  The Veta Madre (Mother Lode) is the perfect set to either keep all your grooming, cleaning, and maintenance needs on point and schedule.  It's also the perfect gift set.  Why?  This badass mother$%%#^@ comes with at least one of everything, and because you're being an above and beyond customer for choosing it, we already automatically applied a 30% discount to the order.

That's right, you saw it, but see it again, 30% OFF.

We won't go through product descriptions with this one, because if you're ready to take the plunge with this bad boy already, you should already be familiar with our products.

Our product blends smell the best, and here's their descriptions:

Woodchipper makes you want to be a badass; a big, axe wielding, take no mercy, wood chopping, lumberjack Viking mother$%&*ing type of badass. We’ve come up with a crazy complex mix of the best wooded scents including the classic sandalwood and cedar, sparing no expense to bring this Woodchipper scent out of the lumber mill and right to you.

Top Notes: Sandlewood, Cedar, Vetiver, Oakmoss

Black Sails:
Our Black Sails line was developed with only one thing in mind, VACATION. That means tropic beaches, drinks, and getting to light a fire inside of a beach pit full of driftwood. To bring on the vacation, we came up with the perfect blend of sweet citrus notes, along with hints of warm vanilla and coconut. It’s one of our most popular blends, and sells like crazy.

Top Notes: Sweet Orange, Red Mandarin, Vanilla, Coconut

Catch Hell:
CAMPING. Forest and wooded scents, fresh spring grass and campfire, all of it. We created this line as a rugged campsite aroma that smells so good it'll have the devil on your heels and testing God all the same. It’s a tricky, tricky thing combining these kinds of scents without rocking the boat and having it come out as a can of bugspray. It’s fresh, manly, outdoorsy, and another of our most popular blends.

Top Notes: Forest Green Oils, Cedar, Birch, Amber

Forty Five:
Cash in with this blend of citrus and mint that is so good and fresh, you'll think it comes straight from the devil's right hand. This blend was designed to slap that yawn right out of your damned mouth and get you going for the day. The citrus will seriously get you out of bed, and the mint is so strong it’ll leave you tingly all over. You’re welcome.

Top Notes: Lemon, Crisp Orange, Peppermint

This awesome scent blend smells like home, and was made with all happy thoughts to never surrender the mantra of never giving up. It’s a strong mix of sandalwood and cedar blends, blended together with oakmoss and fresh tobacco for smoothness, and a dash of coffee and vanilla for that warm tingly feeling.

Top Notes: Vanilla, Tobacco, Cedar, Sandalwood

This is a robust bohemian blend of spices and woods, made for growing the manliest of staches. Working together, these scents create a story of opposing forces coming together to create one of our wildest blends, cloves and sandalwood. Don't stop now, break free with this blend and be the champion mama always said you were.

Top Notes: Sandalwood, Cloves, Oakmoss, Cedar

Heads'll roll with K.O.'s one-two punch of spicy and sweet that finishes things off a slight bit jasmine. We’ve taken the time through trial and error to give a sweetness that is immediate and refreshing; while the mentioned spices keep you going throughout the day. This blend mixes everything together with smooth vanilla, nutmeg, and cloves.

Top Notes: Vanilla, Corriander, Cloves, Patchouli

Midnight Towers:
Midnight Towers is absolutely our most popular scent. It's made for all of our fellow night owls out there that are just getting revved up when the clock strikes twelve and the night city grows. It’s blended with coffee oil, that’s right – coffee, to keep you awake, but also vanilla, a hint of chocolate, and mint, to keep you going while watching the horizon glow.

Top Notes: Coffee, Chocolate, Peppermint

This mix is a crazy blend of citrus and spices diving off a cliff on a white pony while blowing your $%&*ing mind buddy. It's citrus and spice and not a damned thing nice. Strap on your rocket skates and head back to school boys, Tempest is bold, extremely bold, with a sweet citrus finish.

Top Notes: Ginger, Nutmeg, Cloves, Red Mandarin, Corriander

Our lip balm flavors are awesome and highly addictive; here's their descriptions:

Brunch Rum Punch:
Remember that scene in every movie involving a dance that has a punch bowl where somebody spikes it? Well, our Brunch Rum Punch is like that, but better, because we twisted your favorite fruit punch flavor with a bit of sweet butter rum. So yes, fruity, citrus-y, and sweet butter rum. It’s the best blend for any season.

Top Flavors: Fruit Punch, Buttter Rum

This particular lip balm is a blend of your favorite flavors for toast, baking, a million other things, and it is simply perfect. It chocolatey and creamy, and instantly reminds you of desert topped with hazelnuts. Just a reminder, don’t eat our lip balm. Seriously, you have to resist, we can only warn you so much that they’re not edible.

Top Flavors: Chocolate and Hazelnut

Some of our flavors sound like they're just crazy, but trust us when we say that coconut and mint are the perfect blend of sweet and minty cool freshness that you never knew you were craving. It’s cool and works well in the summer time, and really any other time of the year.

Top Flavors: Coconut and Mint

Yes, you can haz pancakes. In fact, we made this Lip Balm to be just what your best memory of pancakes smothered in maple syrup is like, and then we put a cap and label on it, just for you. We want our lip balms to not only protect your chapped lips but to be a guilty pleasure.

Top Flavors: Maple $%&*ing Syrup

Pecan Pie:
We really decided to pull out all of the stops when it came to making our Lip Balm some of the most desirable flavors possible, and Pecan Pie is no different. This Lip Balm is pure bliss and will make you think you need to start counting calories because it is indeed that good, but your lips will thank you for the help, we promise.

Top Flavors: Vanilla, Pralines, Caramel

Pina Colada:
Now that we’re all adults and we all know the best flavored drinks; Pina Colada is high up on the list for most people. So, as it goes, if you like getting caught in the rain, and have half a brain, this’ll make you wish you were at the beach already, sipping on champagne.

Top Flavors: Fresh Pineapple and Coconut

Pink Lemonade:
Nothing says pure summer joy like pink lemonade. Tart, but sweet, this flavor of lip balm has it all, and works for all seasons. It's one of our favorites, and will definitely be yours as well. Bring on the summer memories!

Top Flavors: Pink Lemonade, Strawberry

Our Pom-Berry Lip Balm is a sinfully happy little mix of blueberries and pomegranates. Two of the best fruit flavors around contrasting for sweet and tart flavors, why not combine them!? We do what we want! Why the hell isn't this being done everywhere?! It's amazing!

Top Flavors: Pomegranate, Blueberry

Rootbeer Float:
Who doesn’t want to be a kid again? Ok, better yet, who didn’t love rootbeer floats as a kid? Well if you didn’t, we’re sorry, ‘cause we did, and we made them into Lip Balm! Seriously though, no matter the time of the year, if your lips are in need, this stuff is amazing. A little of the rootbeer, a little of the vanilla cream, and you’ve got the perfect blend for a lip balm that even the manliest of men love.

Top Flavors: Rootbeer, Vanilla Cream

Toffee Coffee:
This one was made was for those with a sweet tooth indeed. We blended our favorite english toffee syrups with our dark roast coffee flavor oils to come up with a deliciously blended Lip Balm. It’s sweet, but makes you feel like a cozy Sunday where you don’t have a damned thing to do but just relax. Perfect for the average joe, night owls, and coffee lovers the world over.

Top Flavors: English Toffee, Dark Roast Coffee

White Russian:
We made sure to abide by all the rules when it came to blending this Lip Balm, and it is indeed the cultured mix you come to expect of coffee liqueur, rum, and a dash of cream. Seriously, dude, it is the drink flavored lip balm of champions, whether your sport is bowling or otherwise.

Top Flavors: Rum, Vanilla Cream, Dark Roast Coffee, Caramel


Directions (click for info)

Take a small amount, or more to your comfort level, and suds it up.

Start with a small amount as needed and work into hair. Leave in for one minute and rinse.

Apply where you'd like as needed, but start with a small dime sized amount.

Beard Oil:
Take a small amount, comb through facial hair as needed with fingers, and style it up.

Beard Balm:
Scoop a small amount and warm between fingertips. Apply to facial hair as needed, and again, style it up!

Stache Wax:
Scrape a small amount and warm between fingertips. Apply to facial hair as needed, and again, style it up!

Roll on 3-4 times, apply the night before for the most effectiveness.

Lip Balm:
Smooth on lips as needed.

Spray where you'd like as needed, just don't drown yourself in the awesomeness.

Wear that $#!+ with pride! Done trip on your own swagger though!

Ingredients: (click for info)

Water, Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Propylene Glycol, Sodium Chloride, Cocamine Oxide, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Citric Acid, Tetrasodium EDTA, Polyquaternium-7, Magnesium Nitrate, Magnesium Chloride, Methylchloroisothiaszolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, Phenoxyethanol, Caprylyl Glycol, Aloe Vera, Fragrance.

Water, Glycerin, Cyclomethicone , Vitamine E Acetate, Cetyl Alcohol, Behentrimonium Chloride, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Sorbitan Laurate, Phenoxyethanol, Caprylyl Glycol, Grapeseed Oil, Sweet Almond Oil, Castor Oil, Factionated Coconut Oil, Hempseed Oil, Argan Oil, Jojoba Oil, Aloe Vera, Fragrance.

Water, Rice Bran Oil, Behentrimonium Methosulfate, Cetearyl Alcohol, Shea Butter, Cetyl Alcohol, Aloe Vera, Fragrance, Phenoxyethanol, Caprylyl Glycol.

Beard Oil:
Grapeseed Oil, Sweet Almond Oil, Castor Oil, Fractionated Coconut Oil, Hempseed Oil, Argan Oil, Jojoba Oil, Fragrance.

Beard Balm:
Shea Butter, Oils (Grapeseed, Sweet Almond, Castor, Factionated Coconut, Hempseed, Argan, Jojoba), Beeswax, Fragrance, Mixed Tocopherols.

Stache Wax:
Beeswax, Oils (Grapeseed, Sweet Almond, Castor, Factionated Coconut, Hempseed, Argan, Jojoba), Lanolin, Fragrance, Mixed Tocopherols.

Lip Balm:
Fractionated Coconut Oil, Grapeseed Oil, Sweet Almond Oil, Castor Oil, Hempseed Oil, Argan Oil, Jojoba Oil, Beeswax, Candelilla Wax Coconut Oil, Shea Butter, Lanolin, Flavor, Mixed Tocopherols.

Specially Denatured Alcohol, Dypropylene Glycol, Fragrance, Water.

...Cloth...and maybe...paint. What were you expecting here, really?

Warnings: (click for info)

Spot test for allergies, and of course, check the ingredients listed for said allergens.

With the beard balm, stache wax, deodorant, and lip balm, these products are heat sensitive, store in cool and dry area.